Women Apparently Don't Poop

The last time I wrote about the difference between men and women, it was more about some general items.  This time it's specific.

As a dude, I would probably say I spend half of my life worrying about or trying to regulate the generic functions of my body.  Dudes fart.  Dudes poop.  Women would have you believe otherwise about themselves.  According to nature, this is simply impossible.  But other than your mother, have you every met a girl you've actually caught in a poop?  Like 100% sure they were pooping?  No.  The invariable answer is of course no.  Women, my friends, are poop ninjas.

Through many years of training to deceive you with bras that double the size of their breasts, makeup caked on so thick you can't see their face craters, and tricking you to believe they are easy going, they added into that the deception of not pooping.

It's simply impossible!  I've been with the BuDaChick since 2002, and I've probably only caught her in 2 or 3 poops, and a number of unconfirmed instances.  (Ir)regardless, this is all about tricking us dudes into believing something about these ladies that is simply untrue.  When you first meet a girl they're all cool.  "Oh yeah, call me whenever".  Four weeks later they sort of turn on you.  They're wondering where the fuck you are all the time, and shortly after that your trapped.  Next thing you know, it's 2010 and you're still trying to catch them in poops.

In the immortal words of Frank Reynolds, "I did all the poops ... because poops are funny!".  Embrace the human in you ladies!  We are gaseous stinky beings.  You are cool with wiping babies asses you aren't even your own, talking about how your dogs have "poops in their butts", but you are sneaky and surreptitious with taking a crap around dudes.

Back in 2006 I went to Europe for a semester, and went on Spring Break in Spain for a week with 3 other dudes and one chick.  When that one chick would disappear to the lobby for like 40 minutes we all knew she was taking a dump.  Like, we may be oblivious to 90% of things that occur in our lives, but if it's one thing us dudes know, it's poops.

If women were straight up about everything from the get go it probably wouldn't be an issue, but one day you wake up and you're like, "holy shit, I never remember you chucking tampons in the trash before", or "when was the last time you shaved your legs?", or "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have talked to your mother that way".  You hit some sort of threshold in the relationship and shit changes.  You start farting more, she starts shaving her legs less, even if she plans on banging you.  All downhill from there fellas.