Common sense tells you that this movie has to be bad. Raiders - awesome. Temple - terrible. Crusade - awesome. Crystal skull - ???
I saw a good amount of it when it aired on USA at 8pm, but reserved most of my watching to the DVR playback some other time. When it originally aired on Sunday night I probably saw about an hour, and then yesterday I probably watched another few minutes. My initial reading was that this movie wasn't good. I needed to finish it to give it the proper review. I was way off. This movie was terrible.
The movie marks the return of Raiders Marion, played by Karen Allen. Since 1981 she had too many cigarettes and didn't allow the facelift to settle long enough before filming. I thought the much older looking Indy was going to turn me off to the movie, but I'll tell you what, when that son of a bitch puts that hat on, and it casts shadows over his grey hair, I can begin to believe again.
There are good and bad things about this movie. Once you hit the half way point of the movie, you've passed all the good things, unfortunately. Raiders was filmed in 1981 (Temple in '84, Crusade in '89) and the year is 1936. Nazi's are the primary antagonists, as is Belloq (pronounced comically as Belosh by Sallah). This movie takes place in 1957. Indy is a war hero (of course, he kicked Nazi ass in Raider and Crusade, why wouldn't he be), and the Soviets are the new antagonists. The beginning of the movie is a bit abrupt, Indy is brought by the Soviets to the US hanger in Area 51 where in Raiders they store the Ark, and Indy is told to find something he worked on years ago, which is the remains of the Roswell extraterrestrial. Indy escapes the danger but is placed smack dab in the middle of a nuclear test town at the time of a countdown. Indy averts danger by hiding in a lead lined refrigerator.
Yeah.
At this point Indy is debriefed and given the third degree by the FBI, who state that he is "of great interest to the bureau... of great... interest". One of them is "Janitor" from Scrubs. This is the last you see of the bureau. Either that, or I wasn't paying attention, which I wasn't.
All the good things are basically done at this time of the film. Predictable plot point one: Shia LaBeouf is Indy's son from Marion, in fact, Henry Jones III. Problem is, his characters name is "Mutt Williams". Raised by his mother and a step father. So he's the third? Really? Indy even calls him "Junior" towards the end.
The worst is the crystal skull thing. It's bad. I am not particularly religious, but I gravitate immediately towards the quest for the Ark and the Grail. Those movies had a deep plot, and a well thought path by which Indy would follow. Raiders with the map room, the height of the staff, Crusade with the valley of the crescent moon, and the penitent man shall pass stuff. There are a few things Indy uncovers, but it felt rushed. There is nothing like the "bad dates" scene in Raiders when all Indy is doing is walking around the room trying to figure out exactly what the height of the staff is that he has to use.
The most distracting thing about the movie is Cate Blanchett as the Kremlin doctor and main antagonist. Not a fan. The character had no depth, and by depth I mean that you see her from the beginning, she's bad, and you see her as the main bad guy until the end. Most good bad guys in the Indiana Jones films appear early but aren't really revealed to be the main bad guy until later in the movie; Donovan from Crusade.
The crystal skull is a (SPOILER ALERT) martian skull. At the end (SPOILER ALERT) the skull joins with other skulls (and bones) and becomes a real live alien. Stupid.
This movie wasn't very good. Some of it was cool, but overall, no. I'd rather have seen Harrison Ford's hair dyed and most of the movie be done in flashback with NAZI'S!
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