I don't know what it is, but I have been absurdly intrigued by the trailers for this movie since I first saw them. I'm 99.9% sure it was the little old lady that crawls up the wall and attacks people in a diner. Like, what the fuck is this movie, and exactly how bad can it be.
Today is January 22, 2010, the movie Legion has opened across the nation, and the reviews and plot synopses have been released. As expected, the reviews are terrible. At the current moment, Rotten Tomatoes is rating this movie at a whopping 19%, and even the good reviews aren't very good at all.
Even still, I've wikipedia'd this movie probably 5+ times in the past few days to see what the final plot details were. I wanted to know what the fuck the plot was and what the details were. A few days ago I was searching I found out this this fallen angel dude is actually Michael the Archangel. My interest peaked. Back in the diz-ay when I was raised (forced) Catholic, I was confirmed with the name Michael for Michael the Archangel. Dude killed the Devil, aka, Badass extraordinaire. This dude is the one protecting people from FOX's Angel Gone Bad (this Wednesday at 9pm immediately following So You Think You're Possibly More Intelligent Than A Retard), so I thought to myself, maybe this plot could keep me slightly interested enough to maybe watch it on video one day. Eh, probably not.
Even still, I've wikipedia'd this movie probably 5+ times in the past few days to see what the final plot details were. I wanted to know what the fuck the plot was and what the details were. A few days ago I was searching I found out this this fallen angel dude is actually Michael the Archangel. My interest peaked. Back in the diz-ay when I was raised (forced) Catholic, I was confirmed with the name Michael for Michael the Archangel. Dude killed the Devil, aka, Badass extraordinaire. This dude is the one protecting people from FOX's Angel Gone Bad (this Wednesday at 9pm immediately following So You Think You're Possibly More Intelligent Than A Retard), so I thought to myself, maybe this plot could keep me slightly interested enough to maybe watch it on video one day. Eh, probably not.
According to Wikipedia, this is the plot synopsis:
After God loses faith in humanity, the archangel Michael (Paul Bettany), who has become a fallen angel, is the only one standing between mankind and Armageddon. This time using angels to execute the Last Judgment, God's wrath descends on Earth to exterminate the world's population. In a desperate, last-chance gambit, Michael leads a group of strangers to a small New Mexico diner to become unlikely heroes to protect a young waitress (Adrianne Palicki) who may be pregnant with Christ in his second coming. Ultimatly, Michael sacrifices himself to protect Charlie and Jeep from Gabriel, but Gabriel catches up with them and tries to kill the baby, but is stopped by Michael who God has resurrected as an angel again. Apparently Michael's actions have restored God's faith in humanity and he has given Michael a second chance. Michael defeats Gabriel and heads back to Heaven with him, leaving Jeep to protect Charlie and the baby who will grow up to lead humanity out of the darkness of the Apocalypse that has occured.
First of all, what kind of a name is "Jeep". That's a character in the movie. He's the "Joseph" to the waitresses "Mary". Yeah, when I first saw these trailers I had no idea that Paul Bettany left Heaven to fight his own kind in an effort to allow the second coming of Jesus. I'm going to go ahead and state the obvious (according to an asshole), if God is so pissed at mankind, it really can't help his problems at home if he kills his half human-half god son before he's even born the second time, right? I mean, why would he send Angels to kill and prevent a second coming of his best representative on Earth. Why even impregnate the modern day Mary in the first place? All a sick perverted test. Sure. Why not. Still makes this whole plot masturbatorial.
Also, "Ultimately" is spelled incorrectly, so I don't know how accurate this information is, but it sounds about as bad as I assumed it to be, so I'm going to go with it. This movie is 100 minutes. That's 1 hour and 40 minutes, and I have enough detail from this brief summary and it took me about 35 seconds to read at most. What the hell else are those poor people supposed to do for the final hour-39 minutes and 25 seconds? Also, why are Angels fighting with guns and shit? That makes no sense. Why is Gabriel bad? He's by far and away the bitchiest of all Angels. Dude had to breakdown for Mary exactly what was going on with her womanly business. I've seen those portraits, dude looks like a chick.
That's all I really got for now fellas. Stupid movies bother me, and this movie has been bothering me so much lately that I've become transfixed with understanding exactly what happens in it so that I can acquire closure and move on. :: Exhale :: I'm good. I'm good now. The next thing I'm looking for are a few things that are yet to come on the Netflix queue. (I've never typed the word "QUEUE" before, and honestly, the U-E-U-E ending is very weird and feels awkward typing, I suggest you try it sometime) John Adams Disc 2 & 3, and Inglorious Basterds. I've heard nothing but good things, and unfortunately the wait for Inglorious is "VERY LONG". Siick.
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