Awesome. Let's take a night of music awards and make it about anything BUT the music. I don't know who is singing what, who's song they are singing, or why they're singing it. Right now Stevie Nicks is so out of her mind on percocet's she thinks she's looking at herself back in time, I almost feel bad for the Amazon (Taylor Swift).
A little while ago we had Slash (seriously, it's not impressive when he shows up - he does every single thing anyone will pay him for, and he hasn't done anything in over 15 years) and Jamie Foxx singing and "rocking" on stage with what looked like a giant fat woman and (now VH1 Best Decade Ever Analyst) Doug E Fresh. HOW IS THAT ABOUT MUSIC?! DAMMIT!
In about 8 minute we are going to be fortunate enough to have a Michael Jackson tribute presented by a bunch of famous dudes and dudettes including Celine Dion. Take a moment to absorb what you just read. (It's actually beginning now with Lionel Richie plugging the "This Is It" DVD, Jesus...) Then take a moment to put your 3D glasses on. This is the most ridiculous exploitation I've seen since Haiti. (Timeout - Celine Dion in 3D with the glass is almost as terrifying as without the glasses, yeesh). Michael Jackson is like a magical merchandising tool that anybody and everybody wants to get in on while it's still cool - but no one would have touched him with a 40 foot cattle prod while the dude was still alive. (3D Hummingbird, and running horses, oh yeah, MUSIC TO MY EYES!) "What About Us" was a terrible idea to sing to. Should have sung to "Smooth Criminal" because that song is awesome. (Just saw Rhianna with her 3D glasses on, be careful honey! That Chris Brown fist is REALLY 3D!) [Quote of the Night: Unbelievable! Unbelievable...wow. - Lionel Richie, immediately following the crappiest 3D performance of Michael Jackson material since Captain Eo] (Super quick, I feel really bad for his kids, especially because they seem obscenely normal considering their father thought that he was Peter Pan - "Watch out for Captain Hook kids!")
Another ridiculous thing about this Grammy's is that there was a category for "Funniest Album", which contained George Lopez, Patton Oswalt, Kathy Griffin, and Weird Al Yankovic. I have no clue why they had this category, or why they consider George Lopez, Patton Oswalt, and Kathy Griffin funny, or why they put them in at all because they were doing standup, or why they gave the award to Stephen Colbert for his joking renditions and new recordings of holiday music. Seriously, no love for the Weird Al?! This guy has been doing this for 20+ years, he should have gotten the award by default, AT LEAST!
Hey kids, guess what a treat you're in for. . . the anti-hater-ator herself, Mary J. Blige (she's also a professional idiot, forgot to add that to her accolades) will be teaming up with blind Italian pop tenor Andrea Bocelli. Only their combined musical forces could help, that's right, you guessed it, Haiti. Lot of love for a country that has hate as the first portion of its name... Can't wait for that performance. My level of annoyance for Mary J., and my indifference for Bocelli will really make for an enjoyable evening in the BuDa-Household. Even the dog, Gap, will be annoyed by my commenting.
Finally, there are like 3 performances every 5 minutes, and each performance has one band/person and then they play about 30 seconds and are like "...I/we'd like to welcome...", and then they bring out some other idiot. I can't follow this, nor do I care. Not even you Bon Jovi. How are those bar graphs of the vote tallies fluctuating that much?! The "polls" have been open for a while, and they're currently performing, I don't think they're going to get the memo. 99% sure they already know what they're playing. And who's this?! See! They brought out some fucking idiot. She sounds country. They have their own awards, AND FLAG. I'm not saying you can't go home (see the Bon Jovi Grammy performance after they bring this idiot out), but you gots to get the hell up out o' here... PEACE!
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