NFL Week 5 BuDa Pick'Em!

Little bit better against the spread in Week 4, but not by much - I still suck at gambling.  Gambling - the only area left for me to achieve "Awesome" status!  How'd we do last week?  Check it, before you wreck it:

6-8; 9-5

Alright friends, right to it!  BOLD teams are home, all straight up picks are gut calls.  By reading this, you have just confirmed that I am the man.


Sunday October 11, 2009


1:00PM/ET

Browns (+6) OVER Bills; Bills (+0) OVER Browns
The Brown-gini's (I'm trademarking that, so don't fucking steal it) just traded Braylon Edwards this week, and like a pubescent girl on prom night, they want to prove that they can bang with the big boys.  "What can BROWN do for you?"  Unfortunately not much.  They're terrible.  Jerome Harrison is the one glimmer of hope.  Right now it doesn't seem like the team responds to Mangini, but I would honestly give it another year, and I think positive things can happen.  It seems like he's getting his own personnel in there.  How do the Bills actually win?  Marshawn Lynch smiles at the Cleveland defense and they run scared.  Dude is ugly.

Steelers (-10.5) OVER Lions; Steelers (+0) OVER Lions
Willie Parker is still one of the prime features in my weekly periodical DOING WORK, DONE WORKING - fortunately, it looks as though Rashard Mendenhall and Mewelde Moore (the M&M&M BoyZ - trademark also pending) can hold down the fort.  Lions have an injured Stafford, and an injured Kevin Smith.  They fucked me last week by not showing up in the 2nd half against the Bears, and the Steelers are much better.

Chiefs (+9) OVER Cowboys; Chiefs (+0) OVER Cowboys
This is my upset call.  Is it REALLY a gut call?  No.  I am willing it to happen.  I watched the Chiefs play the GMeN last week, and I was impressed.  I just don't think they allow the Cowboys to go up that much this week.  Jamal Charles remains the better back, and Dwanye Bowe is an absolute monster.  This Chiefs team is bad, but the Wade Phillips Cowboys are biggity bitches.

Vikings (+10) OVER Rams; Vikings (+0) OVER Rams
I was dead wrong about the Pack taking down the Vikes.  Still waiting for the game at Lambeau.  This team apparently got a bigger boost from Favre's presence than the Jets did - Favre plus ADP, plus the defense, plus the weapons - wow, this team seems scary.  Soon enough Favre will start throwing more INT's that TD's, but not this week.  Taking the over!

Eagles (+13.5) OVER Buccaneers; Eagles (+0) OVER Buccaneers
The Eagles get McNabb back, they get Westbrook back, and they get them back against a terrible Buccaneers team.  Who's the QB?  Jim Johnson, Byron Leftwich?  Wrong.  The answer is it doesn't fucking matter!  Take the over!

Redskins (+3.5) OVER Panthers; Redskins (+0) OVER Panthers
The Zorn-skins aren't THAT bad.  They play a tough defensive game, and when they let Santana Moss loose (at the same time as allowing Jason Campbell to throw it long for him) they play a competitive and explosive offensive game.  The Panthers defense isn't that fantastic, and Delhomme is borderline untrustworthy at the moment.  D'Angelo Williams is the only one I trust as a fantasy play on that team, but against a tough Washington front I think they'll have to resort to putting it in Delhomme's hands... yikes.

Bengals (+8.5) OVER Ravens; Ravens (+0) OVER Bengals
This Ravens team is good.  Dropping balls will kill you, and I really liked the way Ed Reed and Ray Lewis complained and made their points against the referee's.  Honestly, it was well thought out and they spoke with respect.  They're right too, ya know.  We have the technology, we owe it to ourselves to get it right, and the refs can't get it right every single time - they're human.  Back to football - the Bengals have a good good offense.  Honestly, who thought it would be to get rid of the HoushJuice, and to add Cedric Benson lol.

Raiders (+16) OVER Giants; Giants (+0) OVER Raiders
The Raiders are bad - but don't underestimate how terrible David Carr can be.  Eli has yet to practice this week, and if he does play he will be limited.  I just don't think the Giants are a sure fire bet to cover the spread, and I'll be so damn pissed should they lose.  GO BLUE!

4:00PM/ET

49ers (-2.5) OVER Falcons; 49ers (+0) OVER Falcons
I liked Mike Singletary as soon as he took over the team.  He is just the right dude for any head coaching job.  I don't know how he doesn't already have a Coor Light commercial with those guys taking sound bytes and making it seem like he's talking about beer.  "MICHAEL!" - Ditka.  Anyhoo... the Falcons have a great offense, but the 49ers defense is feisty!  I'm taking a good defense over the good offense, plus the '9ers offense is pretty decent even with Coffee at tailback.

Seahawks (+5.5) OVER Jaguars; Seahawks (+0) OVER Jaguars
Still don't like this team.  That's all.  I think they're garbage and I don't like them.  They do well when I bet against them, and they suck when I start to believe.  I won't believe.  Hasselbeck might play.  Go HoushJuice!

Texans (+5.5) OVER Cardinals; Texans (+0) OVER Cardinals
Schaub is heaving that ball as good as anybody, and I would say Andre Johnson, Kevin Walter, and Steve Slaton are greater than Larry Fitzgerald, Anquan Boldin, and Tim Hightower - at least at the moment.  These teams are FREAKY similar.  Texans are the Cardinals from last year.  What happens when you meet your evil twin from a parallel universe from the previous year?!  Find out from the worst game caller ever, Kenny Albert.

Broncos (+3.5) OVER Patriots; Broncos (+0) OVER Patriots
Kind of conflicted about this one.  I feel like the Broncos are playing with house money, and they'll lose sometime soon.  I just think the Orton-Marshall connection is just getting going.  Also, the Patriots are human.

8:20PM/ET

Titans (+3.5) OVER Colts; Titans (+0) OVER Colts
The need to win sometime.  C'mon Chris Johnson!  He needs a good nickname.  Submit your ideas!

Monday October 12, 2009

8:30PM/ET

Jets (-1.5) OVER Dolphins; Jets (+0) OVER Dolphins
Mean Green.  Tough game last week and I think Sanchez bounces back nicely.  Braylon Edwards, if he plays, doesn't do anything.  Maybe catches one pass for 8 yards.  COUNT IT!  This shit takes me too long - I think next week, instead of picks (because my man DaMayo doesn't like it) I think I'll just start posting my weekly DOING WORK, DONE WORKING periodical.  Get ready.